Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Family Roles

I've been reading here lately about family roles and gender roles and such.  I have always felt myself pretty much a traditionalist when it comes to stuff like gender roles and Mommy/Daddy roles in the family.  However, I am seeing that my "traditional" view is much different than most folks definition of a "traditional" view.  Never realized I was so far outta the norm until recently.  But thats okay, I like how things are for us, and it works. 

For me, I think that Daddy-time is just as important to kids development as Mommy-time.  Therefore, in our household we BOTH work.  But we BOTH take part in raising little one.  Sure, I could probably quit my job, hubby could slave away working hideously long hours and never see his family.  But to me, the sacrifice of not seeing Daddy is not worth it.  Growing up I was blessed enough to have parents that were farmers and we saw both mom and dad equally.  While we have a hobby farm, we are not farmers full time.  Hubby owns his own business and has somewhat flexible hours, so right now he stays home with Isaac two days a week.  So Isaac is only "being raised by" someone else, 3 days a week, and then he stays with Grandma.  I am hoping in the near future to get my schedule changed somewhat so we can cut that down even more.

It really saddens me to see the downplaying of Daddy in the family.  I am not found of the opinion of Daddy being just the breadwinner and mom does all the "important" stuff.  I am greatly saddened to see a family with a SAHM who is bearing the full brunt of raising the kiddoes and keeping house and a Daddy who is rarely home and working 15 jobs.  For us, in our family this just wouldnt work.  I enjoy our family time and the fact that Daddy gets to participate in it just as much as I do.

Sure there are things that mama does that Daddy cannot (like breastfeeding!).  But Daddy can change diapers, read stories, play trucks, etc.

Our family roles are still pretty traditional, Daddy doesnt cook, or clean too much.  But I dont expect him to, nor really want him too (except for the cleaning part).  I feel thats my role as Mommy/Wife, Daddy does the Daddy chores around the house (feeding chickens, and dogs, and mowing the yard).

Now, I am not putting down or judging any family who might fall under some of the aforementioned categories, so no one come on her and get mad or offended.  I'm not saying I'm better than anyone or anyone isnt doing things "right".  Its all about what works for your family.  I just felt like blogging about what works for OURS.  I am so tired of feeling judged for being a working mom.  Being a working mom does NOT mean that I dont care for my family.  It does NOT mean I am passing of the raising of my child to someone else.  It does NOT mean that I dont also keep house and do "mom/wife stuff". 

I really hate the dividers that get placed on moms/wives.  One example that annoys me is a forum I'm in, there is a SAHM support thread (there was a working moms thread but it died).  And what do they talk about in it...alot of housekeeping and cooking...wonderful but um...working moms do that too ya know.  I mean seriously, I work full time outside the home, do people think that everything around the house gets done by my maid (haha)...oh....or maybe its the laundry gnomes that come in while I am at work and do every bit of our laundry and have it neatly folded on the bed.  Or I guess maybe people think I just grab takeout on my way home everyday.  Seriously?     (Again, nothing again SAHMs, most of my best friends are SAHMs,-which kinda makes me the odd ball). 

But anyway, yeah, thats me, thats us.  It works, we are happy.  Again, this post isnt directed at anyone or anything, just some stuff I've been wanting to say and well..have no one to say it too without people taking it personally.  Love me or hate me! =)


Nicole said...

I like to hear how you use Grandma to help take care of the little one. Ryan always says, "It takes a village to raise a child." And a family is more than just mom and dad. We all have our roles and we all fill them in ways that best suits the care for our children.

Jen said...

That's the tricky thing about gender roles--you just say the phrase and some people automatically raise their hackles. I grew up where my dad could be gone for days at a time for travel and my mom stayed at home, and then he would be home and in the house for days at a time. It was strange, but they made it work for them and for us and a lot of the time it was awesome. As for what roles Cody and I are going to divy up, I don't have a clue! I think sometimes certain responsibilities are best carried by certain personalities. I also think moms are the Internet should sometimes be avoided. But you knew that!

Erin said...

Yeah, you say the word "gender roles" or "traditional family" and people immediate think pregnant in the kitchen while Daddy comes home and puts his feet up. I never realized how "un traditional" I was until recently.

And I agree, it depends on the family members personalities. Like your household, Jen, I would freak out having a hubby who cooked and stuff, that would just be so strange to me, but hey it works for ya'll (and his food is mighty good! I do good to get Klay to stir the Hamburger Helper on "lazy" nights!). I'm all for what works works for that family!

TammyIsBlessed said...

I too think it's so sad when dad's role is downplayed in the lives of children. In fact, I personally think (and lots of research backs this up) that the father is even more influential on the children than the mother is. People definitely need to work things out in their own families, but having the children NEVER see dad, does not sound like a good long term solution to me, that's for sure!

Jen said...

Erin, I read this days ago when you posted it and it kinda gave me prespective.. which was what I needed that day.. I have many friends who stay at home and I envy that some times but at the same time I also realize my value where I work..I know others can be kind and friendly towards customers but I have relationships with people I see daily..which is pretty cool because I can share God with them or ecourage them. Also to make it finicially we both need to work right now.. and so I am okay with that..too However both Hubby and I do our share around the house and awhile I do 99% of the cooking he does do some "man cooking" as he calls it ...(Grilling!) and while he may do 90% outside work like cut the grass... I do help trim the bushes and such though... we have our parts.. and we do what works for us... ya know.