Monday, December 29, 2008

Why Me?

Why me? What did I do to deserve this?
That is the question I have spent the better part of this year asking that question. Why did I have to struggle to get pregnant when others got pregnant so easily. Why did I spontaneously go into labor at 28 weeks and get to know my baby through plastic walls and have him be two hours away from me. Then today, after thinking about Christmas (which I am in more of a Christmas-mood now that it is OVER) I wondered if Mary ever asked God that. Why me? We look at Mary as the blessed one, the chosen one, we hold her up with high esteem, but I can imagine that it wasnt easy for her. She was human. I wonder if she ever asked why she had to be the one that people whispered about when she became pregnant before she got married. Why she had to be the one to watch her son be ridiculed and killed at a young age. Why she had to lose her firstborn (in a time where children took care of their parents). It put a new perspective on things for me. Maybe we arent chosen to deal with bad things because we "deserve" it, or have done something wrong. Maybe we are chosen to deal with "bad" things because overall, in the end, they are a blessing. They are actually GOOD things. I hope that makes some sense. I think I will chose to think about things a little more before I ask "Why me?" again.

Disclaimer: I am not saying I am anything like Mary or that my son is the Messiah (though I think he's pretty cool!).

Tuesday, December 23, 2008