Letting Go

Okay, I know this sounds pessimistic, and I don't really mean it to be that way.

However, I am feeling like I am being told to let it go.  Not "let it go and hand it to God" but let it go as in "it ain't gonna happen."  And for some reason I have.  Not that I LIKE it.  Not that I WANT that.  But I just feel a strange weird feeling about it.  Generally I can see it, like its just a waiting game (again) but not this time.  The little picture in my head feels like its moving away.  I used to see it clearly, not I don't.  Its not even there, I can't see it anymore. 

I'm really not liking this.  I don't want this.  But its really not my choice.

I've never felt this way before.  I feel sad, but not depressed.  I feel...I don't know how I feel.  

I know this doesn't make a whole heck of a lot of sense. 

I'm not looking for a pity party.  Not looking for advice.  I'm just saying...