Monday, June 3, 2013

Husband Bashing!

Why I Won't "Bash" My Husband

Recently Ive been involved in a 30-Day Husband Encouragement  Challenge.  Right now in our relationship this is a trying time with me being pregnant, him starting a new job, and just general crankiness.  Nothing major or anything like that, just harder to be a more pleasant wife during this seas
on, so I'm excited about this challenge, to push myself to be the wife my husband deserves.  Part of this challenge is to "Not say anything negative about your husband".  This is something I've been convicted of for a while and I wanted to share some of my thoughts on that.

When I was first married I was guilty of "husband bashing"  not that I didnt love him and think he was wonderful, we were just going through the newlywed angst of learning to live as a unit and a couple and rely on each other.  I'd be upset because we wouldnt be in "sync"on timings of things (such as when we did what, even in the bedroom *blush*) Or upset because he'd make certain decisions without me.  Or take someone else's input over mine.  And I did what any "good wife " did...I whined, pitched a fit, and called up (or logged on to) my girlfriends and started the "oooohhh..you know what he DID!" and they would be all "Oh no he didnt" and we'd have a big snowballing convo on how "horrible"  our husbands were and how they just couldnt do anything right.  And at the end of the day I was more mad at him and felt justified for that, and I'm sure some girlfriends who werent mad at their hubbys left that convo mad at some old grievance.

I then began to realize that my girlfriends couldnt do anything but take up for me and justify ME (and when they didnt...well they were just snarky know it alls and could just go away).  And all this while, hubby was at work and here I was bashing him and he couldnt even take up for himself, and often didnt even know I was mad, until he got home to his "quarrelsome wife."

I dont know when I had this epiphany, it probably came somewhere amidst buying a house, selling a house, dealing with infertility, having two preemies, two miscarriages, and all the other trying things in a marriage that can either draw you together or tear you apart.   But I realize when I take my issues to him, even if I am irrational about them, they dont snowball.  And they really arent any one's business but ours anyway.  No one else can help me "solve" them, they are between US, husband and wife. 

Now, I want to say Im not talking about teasing, or the occasional comment to a good friend.  I think teasing is our love language...lol and sometimes its said publicly.  BUT if you husband or wife is hurt by teasing you really shouldnt go there, I know when my husband gives me a hard time about being messy he still loves me.  He'll never do anything to truly put me down in front of others, and i know he's pretty thick skinned so I can tease him about his idiosyncrasies and he'll be just fine.

I think this can also go for boyfriends/fiancees and exes that you have children with. 

And there you have it...my great groundbreaking post of my deep marital insights.  But hey...8 years you learn SOMETHING.  We arent perfect.  I often fail, way more than I care to admit, but I will say the current day attitude of the lack of respect for husbands and fathers really saddens me and I fear this is just a portion of it

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4 comments:

Not Just A Blonde said...

What? No comments? Well, then let me be the honored first! After 16 years of marriage I have to whole heartedly agree... Husband bashing is out! Equally annoying is husband bragging (as seen on FB where soem create the "perfect" image for all to admire/envy), but that is another story for another day! ;)

I think you get more of what you give... and collecting transgressions is a bad habit to start! I think confiding in a friend who can help pull you through the frustration can be helpful... but we all know the friends who we should and should not confide in on a selective basis! The friend must at the very least like your hubby and be able to keep things honest and confidential. The purpose of sharing should ALWAYS be in the spirit of healing and gaining understanding... NOT to beat up the husband/boyfriend/partner behind their back. Love this post and I think MANY people needed to hear this... as I did the reminder! ;o) THANKS!

Amina Bennett said...

I love this! It's the best challenge I've heard today and totally trumps the 30 day no carb eating challenges. A marriage is all about building each other up on a daily basis. It does appear that lately men are being demonized and dumbed down on so many levels in the media which sometimes translates into the real world. I adore and respect my Hubby. Thanks so much for reminding me that I've gotta let him know it every step of the way. You Rock!!!

JustaServant said...

I think most of us have been guilty of this in way or another. After 32 years I couldn't imagine life without him. I often think about the next woman in the wings waiting for me to throw him out, because he's a good man. So I thank God everyday, he's not a womanizer, a woman beater, a drunk, on drugs or anything else that would hurt. I'm blessed!

JustaServant said...

I think most of us have been guilty of this in way or another. After 32 years I couldn't imagine life without him. I often think about the next woman in the wings waiting for me to throw him out, because he's a good man. So I thank God everyday, he's not a womanizer, a woman beater, a drunk, on drugs or anything else that would hurt. I'm blessed!