NICU Visit

Visiting the NICU went good. It was odd walking in, I felt like I was in a fog. Pressing "2" on the elevator felt like I was on auto pilot.

We couldnt go back into the main unit due to the flu children arent currently allowed. Which in a way gave me some closure. We arent allowed anymore, we arent part of that anymore. We've moved on. We used to be a part of it, we used to be allowed, but we arent anymore. Kind of like saying, this door is closed, you've graduated.

An obviously new NICU mom was wheeled into the NICU to vist her baby for the first time as we were leaving....I wanted to grab her and hug her and introduce her to Isaac. I didnt, I choked up, swallowed the lump in my throat and prayed for her, she has a bumpy road ahead, but hopefully next year she'll be in our shoes.

We got to go back into 2K (last unit before going home) the nurse who was with us when we roomed in and checked us out was there. Isaac told her all kinds of tales. Not sure what all he said but it involved "truck" "Kitty cat" "dog" "get it" and "Isaac"

Then we left. We walked out, with our son, got on the elevator, with our son, pressed "L", with our son, walked out the main door, with our son, walked across the parking lot, with our son, got in the car, with our son, and went home, WITH OUR SON.

I almost literally felt a closure and weight come off me. It is finished. Isaac is awesome. Isaac is perfect. Isaac is our child, not theirs. They cannot "take him back." They were pleased with his progress. They may not have even remembered us, but we remembered them, I needed this. Its over.

Its still a part of me, always will be. I'm still a preemie "activist." I'll still blog about preemie stuff. Still nag expecting mothers on knowing signs of premature labor and why EVERY week of pregnancy counts (yes, even weeks 38, 39, 40, even 41 or 42!) Still gripe about people's stupid comments to preemie moms (ie: "you are so lucky to have a preemie, no stretch marks and you missed the 'hard' part of pregnancy!") I feel like thats why I was given this. I was chosen to be a preemie mom for a reason and I plan to use that experience. I'm not superior to anyone and I'm far from perfect but if I can tell ONE person information to help then its worth it. Me and Isaac...my little super hero...fighting for tiny and sick babies everywhere.