He's Home!

After 77 days, he's home!:)

One of the worst things about a long NICU stay...by week 11 people have stopped asking how the baby is.  All the "help" people offer and give is exhausted.  Everyone tells you "oh, he'll be home soon..."  And the enthusiasm and stamina you might have had in the beginning is gone.  People don't expect you to still cry because "he's doing so well."  You've watched umpteen babies come and go from the NICU, yet you remain.  You really start feeling alone...yet nothing changes.  Then when baby finally comes home everyone shows up again wanting to steal the one thing you've craved...cuddling time.  And when its your second NICU baby, the "new" wears off even sooner....

Tonight my heart is aching, my arms feel empty, yet my eyes full of tears...

I'm Not Supermom

 Please don't tell me how strong I am.
Please don't tell me to "hang in there."
Please don't tell me how everyday is closer to bringing him home.

Just let me cry.  Just let me scream.  Just let me miss my baby without feeling like I have to be a superhero.  I'm not strong and perfect.  I'm a very tired, very frustrated mama who misses her baby very much.  A mama who has a baby who really doesn't feel like my own.  A mama who leaves one baby for the other.  A mama who in her head knows all the "facts" but a mama who in her heart feels like the world is falling apart and will never be whole again.  A mama who's stamina is about gone and kinda feels alone...

Also a mama who nearly cries every time she talks to her due date buddies because there is a possibility they'll have babies home before she does, even though her baby is2 1/2 months old.

Waiting

I WILL WORSHIP IN THE WAITING
I WILL WALK WITH THIS SAND BENEATH MY FEET
THOUGH THE WINTER WIND IS BLOWING
THE GROUND IS NOT FROZEN UNDERNEATH
I WILL WORSHIP AND NOT GROW BITTER
CAUSE I KNOW YOU SEE THE END OF IT ALL
AND WITH THE SPRING WILL COME THE RAIN
AND I'LL SEE WHAT WAS GAINED
IN THE WAITING 

We are waiting...getting anxious...but soon...very soon we'll all be home together.