Three years ago today I sat at work finding the backache I was having odd.  Little did I know how my life was about to be turned upside down...

Conversations with Isaac...

I love conversations with almost three year olds.  Last night's went like this:

Klay was checking the weather radar to see if perchance we might get some rain.  He says: "You can see that low pressure spinning out there, maybe we'll get some."  Isaac stops playing and says "da 'now (snow)coming? Pway in da 'now!!"  I tell him, "no, no snow right now, Daddy said 'low' not snow.  Did you like to play in the snow?  Do you wish it'd snow again?"  Isaac responded, "Put on da coat and pway in da 'now!"  Klay says, "Its too hot right now, maybe in a few months it'll snow again."  Isaac said, "Too hot, gotta cool opf (off)."  I thought I'd use this time to talk about baby coming in the fall.."Isaac, when it cools off, baby James will be here too."  Isaac studied me, rubbed my belly, looked in my mouth "Bayay Games in mama bwelly...mama eat bayay wike a watermelon."  (at this point I'd like to know who told him my belly looked like a watermelon?!!)  "Yes, son, baby James is in mama's belly."  "Igak wuv bayay Games"  "You love your baby brother James huh?  Well he'll come out before too much longer."  Isaac's eyes grow big as he thinks, "Sweep in Igake woom?  (sleep in Isaac's room)  *hugs himself* Hugga da Igak!!??"  "Yup, he'll sleep in your room and can hug you.  But it'll be a while, after the summer is over and its not so hot."  Thoughtfulness....."Igake and bayay Games pway in da 'now!"  And off he goes to play trucks....  I think he's starting to get it. 

Less Fear

So since I blogged about my fear, and my wonderful friends said they were praying for me, thought I'd update that I am doing better.

I'm getting less fearful...even if baby comes early...I KNOW that, I know what to do and how to handle it.  And if baby comes term...well thats gotta be easier than a preemie! 

Had a check up yesterday, things look perfect so far.  Blood pressure staying good.  Fighting myself to keep hydrated in this blistering heat...thats a battle but I think I"m winning.  Feeling baby move a lot lately, even some bumps that make me go "umpfh".  My tummy feels like its rolling all afternoon long. I like it. 

Felt something weird while driving the other day and realized my belly was rubbing the steering wheel...hmm..I'm only 22 weeks, 5'2" and rubbing the steering wheel....the next 20ish weeks could get interesting. 

Fear

I'm struggling with fear.  I thought I'd blog about it. 

I'm afraid...I'm afraid of something happening to this baby.  I'm afraid of this baby coming early. 
I'm afraid of failing as a mom of two. 

I know most of my fear is just a spiritual attack, I realize that.  I realize that I have the power to rebuke that attack, but it still doesnt mean I'm not afraid.

I have an overwhelming desire to get everything done for the baby by 28 weeks, because in my mind that's all the time I have left.  Maybe its a premonition.  Maybe its crazy.  Maybe its just because my subconscious doesn't know any better. 

Yes...I'm 21 weeks pregnant and I've set up the baby bed.  Sorted through bottles.  Washed all the small baby clothes.  Made a list of things to go in my hospital bag.  Packed a toiletries kit.  Finalized a name.  Put the baby bedding in the baby bed.  Set up the bassinet.  Yes, I'm that obsessive about it.  I've been called crazy....I guess I am.  I refer to it as paranoid and gun shy. 

In other news...21 weeks pregnant.  Baby is definitely his father's son as he is NOT a morning person and lays quietly asleep in my tummy until 1pm, when he starts doing karate chops.  Other than mama battling allergies and feeling kinda like poo, I'm doing well.  And other than it being 100+ degrees with good ole Southern humidity. 

Ticking right along with my weekly shots...Just passed week 6.  Shots are getting easier I think, they really aren't too painful, and a Toy Story bandaid for me and Isaac (who gets a pretend shot) makes it all ok. 

So if ya think about it...pray for my fear.  Pray for it to go away so I can enjoy this pregnancy and not start timing every little twinge for fear its a contraction that I havent yet realized.